Like Many Things in Life – You Can’t Force Good Style On Someone With A Closed Mind – And That’s Ok.

Where some may see a mess- others see a message. There’s always a plea behind the piles and a real voice amongst the fake smiles.  Never judge a book by its cover or myself by my selfies.

You’re not a failure as a stylist if you cannot break through to a client and bring them to a state of fashion freedom bliss they claim to desire so deeply. This ignorance is something I have learned to accept while working as a Fashion Stylist. And accepting this reality has relieved a lot of unnecessary stress from my life – while also teaching me so much about myself and about when it’s okay just to let it go. You just can’t help everyone. And over-working in order to break through to someone that isn’t willing to make small changes in their thinking – or sacrifice their bad habits in order to form good ones that will better them – will take your energy away from all the willing people there are waiting in the wings. They are there, and waiting patiently to be noticed by you if you take the time to embrace what is good and release what is toxic in your life.

Much like our personal relationships – It’s important to set boundaries for work relationships and enforce that they are respected. It’s necessary to create a standard not only for what you’re naturally good at doing – but also to build standards for the limitations of others around you. It’s tricky – and it isn’t all that easy. But as I gain more experience in my career and business ventures, I become more stable in what I believe is worth my time and what is not.

You can compare sharing your talent for styling to a birthday gift. If you’re on good terms with a person – have a solid relationship with them and have a cohesive balance of respecting boundaries and enjoying each others company, giving that person a birthday gift is obviously completely appropriate since you’re on the same wave link. On the flip side – would it make sense to share a gift with someone who you don’t get along with or even care for – I’d say, No. Any sane person would say a cordial card or just a simple message would suffice in a situation where you don’t particularly mesh with a person. Giving a gift that extracts more from you than is appropriate, is a waste of love and time.

And that’s why I paralleled that scenario with what I do in my work – If I am not willing to give a non-friend a birthday gift due to appropriateness in the context of a relationship, why would I share my styling talents with someone that just doesn’t work out? Why would they even want to work with me if all they want to do is argue, disrespect boundaries and seem unpleasant all the time? If it’s not there, it’s not, and that’s totally okay. It doesn’t mean my styling talent doesn’t exist and it doesn’t mean I don’t care.

Working hard to make things work in my every day life is a big part of my secret to success. I am a caring person who loves to solve problems, and it’s just in my nature to work until I am satisfied, or my goal is met. I get a weird satisfaction out of making things happen and proving that most things that seem impossible are very possible. My optimism is my greatest strength, and I can’t allow it to be my most naive weakness. It has caused problems for me regarding being so optimistic because I have wasted time on the wrong people – but I have learned from my optimism so indeed, it’s unfair for me to say that my time was wasted. It just could’ve been better spent on the right people but – shoulda, coulda, woulda. I’ve learned it, it’s noted, and I don’t need to learn about it anymore by allowing a situation to repeat itself over and over and over.

There is no room, and I have no time for dysfunctionality in my life. Not now, and not going forward. There is a part of me that still wants to push people in the right direction even when they are so stubborn it’s silly – I feel and look like an insane person to anyone that knows me when I am spending energy on what may seem like a lost cause. Maybe I am crazy. All I know is when people close to you say “move on already,” trust them. I’ll always have my process for “moving on” – a process that allows me to end things on a good note. I may wish someone I don’t get along with “happy birthday” aka compliment their outfit, but as of today that is as far as I will go.

Only certain people deserve your gifts, and it’s not selfish of you to protect your energy and your heart. Even if it means, planning a gift so special and fun and never getting to share it with the person it was intended for because it is just not worth dealing with their closed mind and selfish heart. It’s important in this life to protect your dignity and demand respect for yourself as a human being, and a worker of love – which for myself is translated through art.

But some people will miss out on a gift because they don’t deserve it and I am no longer allowing myself to feel guilty for another person’s weaknesses, that’s not my “Style”. I can only hope that one day they come around and that things could work out once they’ve grown up.

And while I wish you the best, I am starting to want that for myself first. Because how can my talents, my work, my intentions be available to anyone when I’m spending time struggling with a problem that is out of my control? The only thing that makes sense to me is to continue to work hard, and hope you catch up. This train is leaving the station and while I will always have space for friends along the way – it’s up to anyone that wants to go for a ride to take responsibility for the relationship and secure their ticket.



1 Comment

  1. Jen Phommachack
    May 5, 2017 / 10:57 pm

    You are very smart Ben and I think that will take you far in anything you decide to take on and do. Also I really love the snapback hat you’ve created 🙂 it’s simple and I would rock it!

Leave a Reply