Hey Girl. You a mess.
Instead of posing like a basic bitch beauty blogger I tried to harness my inner Ke$ha and pose like I just stumbled out of an uber after a Hollywood Night, walked into my house and passed out on my marble floors – only to awaken 10 hours later to the sound of instagram notifications prompting me to snap a selfie and attract at least 5 or 6 more haters before Christmas.
Okay so if you’re like me and want to organize the essentials in your life, you’re reading the right blog. I was at Target yesterday with my sis and I saw this really cool looking cosmetic organizer opened and abandoned on the shelf. It looked as if a potential owner had stopped to take a peek and look inside and then just left it there to catch my attention. I needed to adopt it into my life and make it my new lil Made in China bestie. That is the thought process of a beginning hoarder.
I was waiting for my sister to get me a cart because as per usual, I walk into Target reciting in my head “I will get three things, I will get three things, I will not get more than the three things I came in for”. Naturally after 5 minutes of walking into the blackhole that is Target, I had 10 things and needed a cart so my sister donated time from her extremely busy Target trip to grab me one. Thanks again boo, much love.
It just so happened as SOON as I realized I may need a cart (I was carrying a 24 pack of Gatorade and both hands and arms were completely useless like a baby swan) I was desperately trying to grab this cosmetic case thing off the shelf like a fucking Allepo refugee desperate for anything else I might need before bouncing outta there.
I always subconciously find myself stranded unable to move in the beauty section of any store, it’s a talent. This is what happens with your body is telling you “ACCORDING TO SOCIETIES STANDARDS OF BLOGGER BEAUTY YOURE UGLY STAY HERE AND BUY MORE SHIT BEN”. I kid. But it’s kinda funny.
Anyway, what I found was this really dope little Sonia Kashuk organizer featuring print that looked like a cut out from a comic book. I grabbed it immediately and held it close to my chest like a newborn baby. I imagined I was protecting it from Lena Dunham and needed to purchase it ASAP before she aborted it “just to prove a point”.
Anyway if you need to get the Messy Bitch in your life a gift, get this. it’s really cute and it’s $18 which is cheaper than hiring a life coach if you’re on a budget and need to fix her organizational/hoarding problems fast.
AND don’t be sexist. Dudes could use one of these too. You could put condoms, your weed pipe, deodorant, eye drops, razor and shaving cream in it for the gym so you could not only look totally metrosexual but also be one of the most organized dudes at Equinox.
You can’t find this online – I already checked for you guys. But I got mine at the Target located in Westfield Mall in Culver City (which used to be Fox Hills if you’re an OG). They have tons of other prints too, if you’re not ready for floral this comic print one I chose is probably the least feminine.